How to Dress Your Baby

A baby in one of those cab driver hats smiled and waved at me on my way home from work this evening and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. I met a guy who scored a Stanley Cup-winning goal and, until just now, it probably hasn’t crossed my mind since our handshake ended. I’m a friendly, approachable gentleman who enjoys nothing more than returning a nice smile and wave, so I have to imagine babies are smiling and waving at me all the time, but it’s going completely unnoticed because they’re not wearing snazzy little caps. I can’t bring myself to even think about what that’s doing to the insides of their fragile doughy mush heads, so I’ve decided to direct all of my energy towards making sure it never happens again. If you don’t want your baby to grow up to be a sad, lonely, not-smiled-and-waved-back-at-when-they-were-an-infant shell of a human, follow these sartorial directions: