Alex Watt is a staff writer for CollegeHumor.
For those of you who don’t know, the NSA or National Security Agency has been secretly collecting phone records of millions of Americans, which … Read “10 Things the NSA Knows About Me” and more funny articles on CollegeHumor
The time I spend talking on the phone is definitely the least incriminating and, therefore, most boring—so in your face, scary development.
It’s strange to think that the soldiers who raised the flag in Iwo Jima were probably the same age as me when I wondered if I could sue the company I work for if the free snacks they have in the kitchen give me diabetes. The silver lining of it all is that I can definitely sue the government if I don’t like the way my statue comes out.
Things You Wish You Could Say to Your Roommate
If you could be completely honest with your roommate, you’d be the worst.
We ran out of Post-Its, so my roommate Brian “Murph” Murphy had no choice but to write and then cast me in this video.
I saw a baby on the train yesterday who couldn’t stop laughing. It actually sounded more like screaming, but he was undoubtedly elated and it’s not impossible to believe his expressing amusement is still a work in progress. What this kid has already mastered though is absolutely losing it when you see your reflection in a window. He fucking couldn’t believe it. This small child was convulsively guffawing like I imagine everyone in the store does after I leave an Urban Outfitters—all over his mirror image. It takes a certain, intrinsic mindset to receive so much joy from oneself and this little guy had it. My only regret is that I didn’t catch his name, because I’d love to tell people of this experience when he becomes an elected official.
