October 2nd, 1997

Wow! I made the basketball team! I can hardly believe it – all of that hard work and practice finally paid off. Coach Barker said he saw something special in me. I have the utmost faith in his judgment, and I will do my best to live up to his expectations.

I know we’re only 3 days into it, but Andrew Bridgman has already scribed the funniest article of 2012.