I didn’t get a flu shot, and I don’t think I will. Reading about it makes me feel sick, so I can only imagine what injecting a few actual strains into my body would do to my psyche. To avoid contracting influenza, I’ve begun to say “contracting influenza,” take a bunch of vitamin C, and boast openly about the amount of vitamin C I’ve ingested, so as not to run the risk of coming into contact with a carrier of It. To ensure that my body is in fighting form, I’ve been jumping rope with some regularity and pretending whiskey is still of medicinal value. The antibodies might be weakened, but at least they’ll be loose enough to throw a punch, mispronounce the last name of an author they “love,” and various other things that will have the virus moving on to the next sack of human stuff. I’m not confident that any of this is a good way to go about maintaining one’s health, but I’m kind of into doing my own thing at the moment, and getting the flu is kind of predictable and oh my god, this better not be what happened to Henson.